I have been thinking today about crushes and infatuation, and that connection that we seek from one another. Whenever this happens at least in my case, I can not stop thinking about that person and as a result from over analyzing how I feel I end up reading to far into everything that they say and do. As results then I avoid them and I eventually nothing ever develops. It is apart of the waiting game that I always seem to play every year, when something changes in my life I always naturally wait to seek what exactly develops. I naturally want to play it safe for some reason. Last year when this happened I had a best buddy that got engaged as well I was entirely infatuated with a girl that I was waiting for to break up with her boyfriend (I knew it was going to happen). This waiting game forced a rift to happen between me and God. I closed myself off to everything in the world that was uncomfortable. I worked to protect myself by playing it safe and as a result I had a shell that formed over my heart I would send stuff out but I would not allow it to come in.
What is funny is that the relationships that we have, even the romantic ones are a direct reflection of our relationship with God. So I have to ask myself, why am I waiting to pursue God? What am I afraid of? It might sound as if these are two entirely separate pursuits and that is true if you are thinking of it from a purely physical standpoint. It has occurred within this past year that the attraction I have had to several women has not been to fulfill a physical needs they are to fill an intimate one. It is an interesting twist to the norm. Seeking that intimacy with a woman is exactly the quest we must have with our Abba. Why do I not seek my Abba in the same way? If it is truly suppose to be bro’s before ho’s then I have really missed the mark.
Unless I relentlessly pursue my Abba I will never be able to pursue the intimacy that I desire within a mate/lover/friend.
Remember to look around because you only go around once
Cj - out
2 comments:
Nice thoughts ... thanks for them. I wonder why it is that we often put more effort into the pursuit of women than into that of God. Is it because it is easier? (Is it easier? hehe). I wonder if it is because when we pursue a woman we know when we have failed or succeeded ... we can, in some sense, measure the pursuit. On the other hand, can we ever fully succeed in our pursuit of God? It's a pursuit that has no end. (Not that you should stop pursuing a woman once you have "won" her). ... does this make any sense at all?
yes, it does. When you boil it all down life is really just the pursuit of one thing or another. If we are smart we will pursue only the important things and not loose sight of them for one instance.
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