Now technically I am posting post Valentines Day but I did not have time yesterday to fill everyone in on my thoughts regarding the hallmark holiday. I have never truly ever had a reason to celebrate V-day so I just have an outsiders view on the holiday. This day is meant to celebrate Love, the spirit and nature that bonds two people together in a caring and submissive union. This is a day worth celebrating. Now being a single guy on Valentines Day is not the worst thing that could happen, considering I spent my whole day in classes and then a business meeting to top the day it was probably for the best that I was no where near a relationship this year. I did pay close attention this year to see what many of the guys that I am on staff with and am good buddies with did for this special day. It was interesting to me, to see this as a one sided affair, this must be the one day of the year that guys are overly submissive to their ladies. It is the one day of the year that they must spend living up to the expectations of the day.
For the guys I did watch it appeared that all of them did a good job making the day special for their ladies. I won’t disclose any details about any of them so that their ladies will think theirs was the best, lets just say they didn’t beat flowers ordered from Australia however, Benny takes the cake on that one. This day however always gets me thinking about relationships more and more. Since it has been a while since the last time since I was “in the zone” I’m able to observe relationships on a constant basis. I see those that are great matches and those that are not so great matches. I hurt for guys who constantly poor into their ladies with nothing in return and I smile for those relationships that appear to just click.
It seems that my view of relationships is always changing, it seems that with each time I possibly get closer to one I learn something new about them and I back off. This really hurts my dating life and my opportunities for bent up sexual tension release (kidding). Awkwardness and me do not mix and I have found especially even today that whenever I have the opportunity to really get close to a person (male or female) the awkwardness drives me away, the fight or flight takes a rise in me and I immediately want to run. I feel I might need counseling who knows. My inability to engage past a certain point would be a interesting counseling session (might take many). It has spawned my one new years resolution that I would moderately say I have kept this year, to embrace the awkward. To seek to not be freaked out by the minor things and allow people past a certain level, I have put up some walls that I don’t know really how they got put up or how exactly I can bring them down. This might be my greatest sabotage.
Every now and again I read a book that really influences my thinking, my perception of the world. I have started a book that does just that, Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller. Donald Miller has already been an influential writer and speaker in my life. He presents truth in such a way that you wonder how you didn’t see it before but are so excited that you see it now. In a section that I read last night it talks about two types of men, those who look for a woman to complete their lives or those who look for a woman to join in their complete life. I almost stopped reading there at that point. Which type am I? Of course any guy would like to put themselves into that 2nd group. We are to be invincible beings that do not need or want anything; it is part of our God complex. I would have to say that throughout most of my life I have always thought of that first and put myself into that group. I thought you really had to have the right girl in order for your life to begin. That she was the missing piece that you needed. This might be confusing to understand, think of it as you are running in this first example you are waiting to start running until you have someone running with you and with the latter example you are running, and you are looking for someone that is running to that same place at the same pace you are. I think I am more built for the 2nd, I have just not decided to start running, I’m gonna start running now however and if your out there I hope to catch ya, I know which type I am now. What type are you?
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Sunday, February 05, 2006
The Variable of Judgement - Christianity
I am pleased to announce that I have started a job at school. It is not glamorous or even filling all of the hours and pay that I need it to fulfill but it helps. My responsibilities include doing dishes, wiping off tables and filling in on the register. This last week as I picked up some extra hours I ran the register for the majority of my hours this week. I enjoyed this more then dishes because it got me around people and kept me from constantly cleaning things that were going to be dirtied. The people are truly what I love about the job, getting to see people. I have a need to be around people, it is how I get my energy from. It was on Wednesday however that while I was having a short conversation while ringing someone up that really stuck with me and with which I have been mulling over since it happened. He was a tall gangly guy, with hair down past his shoulders that was highlighted red from its final 6 inches. He was pleasant, polite but he had a very effeminate tone to his voice and his demeanor. He is the classic figure that every homophobic man pictures when they think of a homosexual. As I finished ringing him through I pleasantly wished him a good day. Under his breathe he said “wow you are really nice,” I didn’t quite hear him and being someone who never turns down praise I asked him to repeat his statement. His reply was “oh its just you are nice, but that will fade.” I assured him it wouldn’t but he did not seem to believe me.
Now this guy who I have no idea his name or where he is from, what his preferences would be (and I don’t care to know) but I think I can tell from his statement about his past, where he has come from, and that is a place of constant glares and judgment’s and preconceived notions about who he is and what he values. People probably made fun of him behind his back all the time and most guys feeling uncomfortable around him either made snide jokes or remarks about him while he stand only and ear shot away. His life most likely had been one where he had been judged constantly upon his appearance and not upon his heart. Everyone most likely assumed that by his demeanor and the way that he carried himself that he preferred the company of men. His flamboyant attitude and creative mindset made him an open target for anyone that wanted to take a shot at him.
This has been the plight of humanity. We are made uncomfortable by a group of people and how do we deal with it, we push them down in order to make ourselves feel better. I know that has always worked for me. I can remember in Jr. High school constantly doing that whether it was making fun of the fat kid on the bus (when I wasn’t really that much smaller then him). I can remember constantly sizing guys up and thinking that I was better then them at something so that gave me value. Our human nature is to be valued, we seek affirmation that we have this value, but we never truly look to the right arena’s for this affirmation. We have to understand where our value comes from, we are all valuable to our Father, He would not seek a relationship with us if this weren’t true. He chooses to redeem us because we are that valuable to him. We do not realize that so we feel it important to find value in any place we can and often times we do that by establishing a set of value to others that we come into contact with. We have to establish a totem pole just so we can feel better about where we might stand on it (notice how we never put ourselves on the bottom).
I think an aspect that we truly look to assign value to people is by labeling them. The one label that I am beginning to hate is that of the label of a Christian it seems that this is the beginning and the end the defining label as to whether or not we should like this person. If they are labeled as a Christian then it is “oh, ok I can live with that lets me ‘em I think we could be friends.” My problem is that we immediately assess someone’s character by this. I hear it constantly especially around the school, when they describe someone to me they say “oh he’s this and that and he is a Christian” as if that means that I will know that is. I’m sorry but if there is immediately some universal Christian network for which we all prescribe to and know each other by other then the church I must not be apart of it.
I think the thing that truly bugs the heck out of me is that the term Christian is not even the proper term to use. It originated as a slam, a negative connotation, a discriminatory phrase used to describe an entire group of people. It has evolved into a defining name apparently which means that is has lost its original meaning. I believe that the term Christian can not be defined any longer either. As Donald Miller has pointed out, it means something different to everyone. Based upon dealing with “Christians” they have an entirely different perspective on what it really means to be a “Christian.” For some it means to judge people harshly and shut them out, for others it means to love people effectively, for others it is the definition of a heretic, and for others it is a name we go by when we go to Church only 2 times a year (Easter and Christmas).
Is this an accurate system to really base judgment on people? Why not say he’s a man/woman of faith, that truly means something, it says that he/she believes something and hopefully that they are constantly growing. Why is it even important to label someone immediately? Is it our natural propensity to be comfortable or do we feel that when we are around those that are not in the faith that we need to turn on our “Jesus Charm.” Why is this an automatic entry into acceptance? Someone hears something from someone that a famous celebrity is now a Christian, yes we should rejoice but not because Deon Sanders is apart of our team now, but because his soul is saved. We need to be above accepting someone just because they join “our team.” I believe we must pray that it is a sincere change within them, that when we meet those others that are within the “faith” that we drop and pray for them right then and there, that they are growing and warding off temptation.
I think that to truly be the community that God has called the Church to be we have to go beyond silly labels like this and instead of labeling someone for “our side” we need to look deeper into their heart and go further then teams but see them as God sees each of his creations: as a valued child who he seeks to redeem and carry out a relationship with.
Amen
Cj - out
Now this guy who I have no idea his name or where he is from, what his preferences would be (and I don’t care to know) but I think I can tell from his statement about his past, where he has come from, and that is a place of constant glares and judgment’s and preconceived notions about who he is and what he values. People probably made fun of him behind his back all the time and most guys feeling uncomfortable around him either made snide jokes or remarks about him while he stand only and ear shot away. His life most likely had been one where he had been judged constantly upon his appearance and not upon his heart. Everyone most likely assumed that by his demeanor and the way that he carried himself that he preferred the company of men. His flamboyant attitude and creative mindset made him an open target for anyone that wanted to take a shot at him.
This has been the plight of humanity. We are made uncomfortable by a group of people and how do we deal with it, we push them down in order to make ourselves feel better. I know that has always worked for me. I can remember in Jr. High school constantly doing that whether it was making fun of the fat kid on the bus (when I wasn’t really that much smaller then him). I can remember constantly sizing guys up and thinking that I was better then them at something so that gave me value. Our human nature is to be valued, we seek affirmation that we have this value, but we never truly look to the right arena’s for this affirmation. We have to understand where our value comes from, we are all valuable to our Father, He would not seek a relationship with us if this weren’t true. He chooses to redeem us because we are that valuable to him. We do not realize that so we feel it important to find value in any place we can and often times we do that by establishing a set of value to others that we come into contact with. We have to establish a totem pole just so we can feel better about where we might stand on it (notice how we never put ourselves on the bottom).
I think an aspect that we truly look to assign value to people is by labeling them. The one label that I am beginning to hate is that of the label of a Christian it seems that this is the beginning and the end the defining label as to whether or not we should like this person. If they are labeled as a Christian then it is “oh, ok I can live with that lets me ‘em I think we could be friends.” My problem is that we immediately assess someone’s character by this. I hear it constantly especially around the school, when they describe someone to me they say “oh he’s this and that and he is a Christian” as if that means that I will know that is. I’m sorry but if there is immediately some universal Christian network for which we all prescribe to and know each other by other then the church I must not be apart of it.
I think the thing that truly bugs the heck out of me is that the term Christian is not even the proper term to use. It originated as a slam, a negative connotation, a discriminatory phrase used to describe an entire group of people. It has evolved into a defining name apparently which means that is has lost its original meaning. I believe that the term Christian can not be defined any longer either. As Donald Miller has pointed out, it means something different to everyone. Based upon dealing with “Christians” they have an entirely different perspective on what it really means to be a “Christian.” For some it means to judge people harshly and shut them out, for others it means to love people effectively, for others it is the definition of a heretic, and for others it is a name we go by when we go to Church only 2 times a year (Easter and Christmas).
Is this an accurate system to really base judgment on people? Why not say he’s a man/woman of faith, that truly means something, it says that he/she believes something and hopefully that they are constantly growing. Why is it even important to label someone immediately? Is it our natural propensity to be comfortable or do we feel that when we are around those that are not in the faith that we need to turn on our “Jesus Charm.” Why is this an automatic entry into acceptance? Someone hears something from someone that a famous celebrity is now a Christian, yes we should rejoice but not because Deon Sanders is apart of our team now, but because his soul is saved. We need to be above accepting someone just because they join “our team.” I believe we must pray that it is a sincere change within them, that when we meet those others that are within the “faith” that we drop and pray for them right then and there, that they are growing and warding off temptation.
I think that to truly be the community that God has called the Church to be we have to go beyond silly labels like this and instead of labeling someone for “our side” we need to look deeper into their heart and go further then teams but see them as God sees each of his creations: as a valued child who he seeks to redeem and carry out a relationship with.
Amen
Cj - out
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)