Pursuit

I have been thinking today about crushes and infatuation, and that connection that we seek from one another.  Whenever this happens at least in my case, I can not stop thinking about that person and as a result from over analyzing how I feel I end up reading to far into everything that they say and do.  As results then I avoid them and I eventually nothing ever develops.  It is apart of the waiting game that I always seem to play every year, when something changes in my life I always naturally wait to seek what exactly develops.  I naturally want to play it safe for some reason.  Last year when this happened I had a best buddy that got engaged as well I was entirely infatuated with a girl that I was waiting for to break up with her boyfriend (I knew it was going to happen).  This waiting game forced a rift to happen between me and God.  I closed myself off to everything in the world that was uncomfortable.  I worked to protect myself by playing it safe and as a result I had a shell that formed over my heart I would send stuff out but I would not allow it to come in.
     What is funny is that the relationships that we have, even the romantic ones are a direct reflection of our relationship with God.  So I have to ask myself, why am I waiting to pursue God?  What am I afraid of?  It might sound as if these are two entirely separate pursuits and that is true if you are thinking of it from a purely physical standpoint.  It has occurred within this past year that the attraction I have had to several women has not been to fulfill a physical needs they are to fill an intimate one.  It is an interesting twist to the norm.  Seeking that intimacy with a woman is exactly the quest we must have with our Abba.  Why do I not seek my Abba in the same way?  If it is truly suppose to be bro’s before ho’s then I have really missed the mark.
     Unless I relentlessly pursue my Abba I will never be able to pursue the intimacy that I desire within a mate/lover/friend.  

Remember to look around because you only go around once

Cj - out

Validation

I was just thinking to myself as I was talking to a friend, how often do We/I seek validation.  As I think about it almost everything we do is validated by one person or another. It is almost as if we feel we need someone to watch each of our steps just so that we feel we are making them right.  The market of commercials hinges on this essential conditioned need of humanity.  I do not think within the hierarchy of needs validation was present (I could be wrong).  We seek relationships with significant others just so that we can feel validated as a lover.  Half of the stuff men do is so that they are validated to nobody but themselves that they are in fact a man.  What is funny is that we/I constantly seek this validation from those who’s opinion truly does not matter.  I guess it is not that big a surprise that we forget that God’s validation is the only thing that matters when we live in a world that has built entire cultures that seek validation through their own hierarchy of needs.  I personally forget half of the time who I am truly to be validated by and I loose that perspective and as expected it always does me more harm then good.  The few moments that I can truly say I have sought validation from God are those when I have been the most confident and I believe the most able to do the work he has called me to.  I don’t know this is just a thought.  Let me know what ya think.  
Cj- out